The Detroit rapper plays the best friend to Joyner’s character but, since it’s Eminem, he can’t help but drop a line like, “I’m white, but I’m gettin’ mixed feelings like Logic.” As the story unfolds, Em’s character transitions from arguing about genetic flaws in chromosomes to asking God for help. From the moment Em asks, “What if I told you I’m homophobic?” it’s clear nothing good will come of this verse. No matter how well-meaning the intent is, the hackneyed lyrics sound exactly like what would happen if a straight man tried to describe what he thinks the gay experience is like over a beat that would have been left on 808s & Heartbreak‘s cutting room floor:īut on the real, what if I told you that I was brave?īut still, what if I told you I’m out of place? Waitīut it’s Eminem’s part that genuinely sends the song off the rails. The first two verses feature Joyner playing a character questioning their sexuality. In its capacity as an unofficial successor to “Stan” - emotional man questions some aspect of his life, said man cries out for help that never comes, and he commits suicide in a last-minute plot twist delivered by a different narrator - is a failure to capture 20-year old lightning in the world’s most structurally unsound bottle.
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As you might predict based on the title alone, the five-minute track is an underbaked and misguided attempt for the two rappers. To Joyner and Eminem’s credit, it seems the pair likely knew never to release “What If I Was Gay.” However, they were victims of an unfortunate leak this week, and the internet did what the internet does: listened to a leaked studio demo.
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That’s why the existence of Joyner’s “What If I Was Gay?” - featuring Eminem - isn’t surprising. The Dido-sampling song and its woke-before-woke-was-a-thing message went on to inspire countless offshoots, the most popular (and recent) of which is Joyner Lucas, who’s sustained an entire career built off recreating Eminem’s most popular faux-biographical, rage-filled song (see: “I’m Not Racist” and “Devil’s Work”). Eminem made a sequel (so did Lil Wayne it was called “Dear Anne” and was terrible). The third single from The Eminem Show is now double platinum, garnered two high-profile dictionary entries, and launched a subgenre onto itself. Almost two decades later, the word is so ubiquitous there are likely millions of modern stans that have never listened to “Stan.” If they did, they might well be horrified to be compared to the skinny, out of control character staring back at them. Stubborn, persistent, and culturally malleable, the song’s name, concept, and story structure took on a life of their own. Since its arrival in 2000, “Stan” never really left.